changing perspective

Its been quite some time since i last blogged here.
Life is pretty much the same since the last update. Its still the usual stuffs.
But something inside me changed significantly, its how i see the world.
The perspective i have in many things changed, and its because of one thing.
Something that is really very harsh and it keeps us from wandering too far in our different dreamland.
Something called - reality.
At this moment, i don't dare to say that i'm probably one of those teenagers that gone through all sorts of highs and lows in my life.
But certainly, i did experience reality, and i did went to all sorts of highs and lows in my life. However, i count myself as one of those fortunate ones.
You might ask why? Because in the midst of being almost blinded by reality, i managed to open my eyes wide enough to look at the brighter side of life.
Why complain about things that i don't have or i have failed in, when i have the other choice of appreciating the different stuffs i have and i have succeeded in.
But let's take a moment for me to type out how this transformation take place.
In my secondary school days, i was taught alot about many many different things other than academics.
Being one of those privileged few, i'm those kind of students who loved to take up to responsibilities, those kind of student who sign up for plenty of different courses so i can enrich myself.
During those days, i learn quite alot about leadership, and i also come across tons of inspiring life quotes.
But during my last year, i had to put all those aside even though my passion is still burning there, for the o levels.
I studied very hard, putting in my best, because of two reason.
I don't want to disappoint my parents like how i did during PSLE.
& also, i'm studying for the one i love, if i don't do well during the Os, then the future not only for us, but also for me, will be much tougher and much bitter.
So the transformation kicks in when i was waiting for my results, the time when i had my first working experience.
The different kind of politics within a f&b outlet, those experiences of unkind customers.
& i faced some other problem in different aspects of my life that time.
Truthfully, i hit rock bottom, it was probably one of the lowest point i had in my life yet. But i know there's more to come.
I was so upset at that time, that i felt all those stuffs i heard and learnt in secondary school are all lies.
It does not apply to the real world.
& i call all those things i learn as the "fantasy world" .
It was only until after loads of self reflection and courage that i realise and admit  i was not right.
Yes, such stuffs do not exist as prominently in the real world.
Reality is so tough, life keeps knocking you down and when you get up and move on, it knocks you down again.
I thought im breaking apart, and there was this indescribable feeling that weigh me down.
& recently, when i was on the verge of breaking, i found out that no matter how hard things get, its just one simple and yet strong thought that will prevent you from breaking and keeps me moving.
"You're stronger than this MingKang, you will not break"
Its one thought, but it has to be practiced, and here i am.
Feeling better than ever.
We always have a choice, but sometimes the other choice can be so hard and painful that we want to choose the easy way out.
That's how humans work i believe.
But its only through such hard and painful times that makes us stronger.
I know what i'm worth for, and i'll be willing to go back out to the real world and also a new world of polytechnic, and go and fight for what i'm worth.
Nobody cares about what you should get or what's rightfully your's if they're not your loved ones.
Resign to the fate that this world is competitive.
We all fight for our goals, but many steps on others to achieve it.
& for me, i'll fight for it, and at the same time, i will definitely not let down the principles i hold.
I know its not easy, and i know i'll fall apart at some point.
But i'll keep going, breaking every single barrier in front of me with my own hands, hardwork and perseverance.
I hope for the best for me.
& yes, i know i can.

MingKang.

the best for you.

Internet.
What a morning.
A pretty bad one i guess?
Somehow, i cannot forget that horrific night.
It keeps ringing in my head every now and then.
And its not just affecting me.
Its affecting her too, i know she'll be reading.
Sometimes, its a very simple thing.
Have you ever been caught up in a moment when you're feeling so down and you're not smiling or talking at all.
Then, seeing your loved one suffering too.
It just makes you heart soften, and in order to give her the best.
You gotta pick yourself up, make yourself happy and smile.
But deep inside, you're lying to yourself.
Somehow, you're caught up in between your pride and your promise.
And also, your lies and how the truth actually gets in your way.
You're trying to be happy, but you can't, because deep inside you're not.
You can keep saying, i'll be fine soon, but deep inside you're unsure whether you will be or not.
You promised to keep her happy, but to keep her happy you gotta let your pride down, that's much easier actually.
I think i would really like to have her by my side now.
And to receive all the warmth that i can get.
Its very cold now, and my mind's very confused.
But you can't always be here.
And the best way out is actually.
To put yourself to sleep, when you're feeling the most relaxed and nothing can invade your mind.
But, the truth is still that.
When you wake up.
You'll still be thinking of her.
Missing her.
And wondering whether she's happy or not, when you're not.
That's probably the power of love?
All i can say now is that.
I wish that you'll be happy and i don't mind about myself.
You gotta be happy.
You must.

MingKang,

you were serenity,

Internet!
Uhs, i need someone to help me massage my whole body now.
Its aching really badly.
Well, sometimes, when you have good thoughts, tell yourself to calm down and assured yourself that everything will be alright.
Good things will start coming to you, and you'll feel so much more better in no time.
Perhaps, its the power of the mind?
Haha, things are better now?
4 days into the holidays already and it means that full days to study will be over soon.
Ahh, time to really mug non stop alreadyyy!
Good luck, MingKang, you can do it.
And Caroline, you can too. (:
Good luck to our journey to success. (:

MingKang!

& its all because of you

Internet.
Its funny how im posting at such early morning.
Uhs, have you ever been through a time, where you're feeling really so distracted.
But you keep everything to yourself and only say it out when you're sure that the person you want to talk to will not be distracted.
Somehow, i've came back to this blog and post stuffs.
There was a time, i stopped coming here.
& now, im back with a good reason.
To say whatever i want here.
Just to let me feel better.
Life's pretty unfair i guess?
Life's just like that.
I gotta live it, and live it well.
If not it'll be better if i just get lost and screw everything up.
There's a missing piece in my heart even up till now.
I know there's a problem, but i don't know how to solve it.
And im thinking to just shove it aside and just give her my full support.
She got her reasons, i understand.
She gotta study hardd.
And is much harder, her ego, her dreams.
I gotta study hard too.
But perhaps, i can multi-task and split my time better.
I'll just let my pride down, and support her wholeheartedly.
Let her know that i care, and im there for her.
Its pretty simple, there's no formula like maths.
I just gotta do it.
but,
I miss her.
I miss her, alot.
I really do.

MingKang.

longest stride

Hello Internett!
Revision's not too fast.
But i want to speed things up a little?
Cause im really afraid that there's not enough time.
Hmph. Thanks to Carolineeee for the beautiful wallet! (:
Love it, absolutely.
Huh, i'll start studying again now.
Its just like, a daily routine.

MingKang.

distract me.

Internet.
Today started off really really well.
With such a broad smile on my face.
Now, everything's messed up.
Im losing my concentration.
Its not a good time to.
I wished, you'll explain everything to me.
Im upset, very upset.
I want to know what is going on.
You might have your reasons.
But i really cannot take it.
You post such a status on facebook.
Do you know how would i feel after reading it?
Now, i feared going to your profile.
I want to study now.
But this occupied my whole brain.
Looking at the time you posted the status.
It was when i told you something and you were really happy.
Then, why?
Why?

MingKang.

standing ovation

Hello Internett!
Hehe, i'll take a short break from my social studies revision.
Ah, many many ups and downs recently.
Not going senior spec course in the end.
Hmph, disappointment disappointment. (:
But i went to the low point of life and take a really nice walk over there.
Now, im back up to the point where i enjoy it most.
Where all the good things comes to you.
Perhaps, im sitting at the arms of the giants now? (:
Going to vietnam on October with my class.
Whoots, 2nd time there, and i really cannot wait for it. (:
Then, China at december if possible with school leaders.
Life's tough now, but i feel that im tougher.
Exams are all packed forward to prevent clashing to the 10th anniversary.
Its gonna be really busy.
Looking forward to the life after exams.
Its September holidays now.
And i gotta concentrate on what i want and work for it now.
Its gonna be a busy holiday.
And a busy month for me even after the exams.
But i won't life beat me down.
Never i will, with such concentration. (:

MingKang.